Your marriage does matter

The number of books on the market dealing with the topic of marriage and relationships is certainly overwhelming. Proof of this is the bibliography itself, recommended and commented on by the authors in the present work, which lists over fifty titles. And without a doubt, a broader analysis of all available in bookstores would lead us, at the very least, to quadruple this figure.

So, what new contribution does this work by Juan J. Varela and M. del Mar Molina offer that hasn't already been said on such a well-trodden topic?

Firstly, the originality of its APPROACH: It presents the couple's relationship as a building to be constructed by both spouses. And along these lines, it structures the ideas presented, following Jesus' parable of the house built on the rock (Matthew 7:24,25), into three basic parts:

I BUILDING. Where it analyzes the nature of the ground (the society around us) and the type of foundations needed to build on it (the biblical bases of Christian marriage): "a wise man who built his house on the rock."

II OVERCOMING. Which goes straight to the problems: "The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew..." It deals in detail with the inevitable differences, difficulties, and conflicts that every couple has to face.

III CONSOLIDATING. And finally, it provides the keys that allow Christian couples to overcome these problems more easily: their altruistic approach to love and their trust in God. "And it did not fall, because its foundation was on the rock."

Secondly, the raw realism of its CONTEMPORARY RELEVANCE:

The authors both work in the "From Family to Family" program developed by AGAPE (Campus Crusade for Christ International) in southern Spain. They have performed this work over the past ten years. This has given them the opportunity for direct and permanent contact with the daily reality of couples, in one of the most difficult and negative social environments for the model and values of traditional Christian family, Spain over the last ten years. A social model that, while claiming to be progressive, "has discarded the deck of normative ethics, and few things, at an ethical level, have the force of law, assumed and accepted by and for all," and therefore lives, the authors affirm, immersed in an "ethics of minimums and maximums, a relativistic ethics, where there are no norms or absolutes, where anything goes as long as it doesn't harm the neighbor (minimums), and I can have my personal values, beliefs, and guiding principles (maximums), provided that these values and beliefs are strictly personal and private, which excludes any normative and generalized element." The political-social consequences of all this have been the legalization of abortion and marriages between homosexuals and lesbians, including the adoption of children by same-sex couples. A society in which single-parent families are growing exponentially, and young couples live "de facto" under the same roof, even having children without having established any marital bond "de jure," neither religious nor legal, convinced that marriage does not matter. Hence the radical and suggestive title chosen by the authors for the present book: YOUR MARRIAGE DOES MATTER.

Thirdly, its deep and solid BIBLICAL BASIS. This is not limited to a few brief strokes on the divine institution of marriage or the scriptural bases of the family, aimed at providing Christian cover for content based on mere psychological empiricism with secular roots, but rather encompasses each and every one of the affirmations and practical recommendations made in the work. From beginning to end, there is not a single aspect discussed in the book that the authors, fully convinced that the Bible is the basis of reference and unquestionable final authority for all types of ethical and moral issues, do not resort to a text from the Word to shed light on the topic discussed or support their affirmations. An example of this is the originality with which they prove, starting from the biblical text, the different approaches to sex by men and women, and consequently, the very different way they look at each other: men, starting from the feet and gradually raising their gaze to the head; women, starting from the head and slowly lowering their gaze to finally reach the feet:

"How beautiful are your feet in sandals, O prince's daughter! The curves of your thighs are like jewels... your navel like a rounded goblet... your belly like a heap of wheat encircled with lilies... your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle... your neck is like an ivory tower... your eyes are like the pools of Heshbon... your nose is like the tower of Lebanon... your head on you is like Mount Carmel..." (Song of Solomon 7:1-9).

"My beloved is handsome and ruddy, distinguished among ten thousand... his head is purest gold... his hair is wavy... his eyes are like doves... his cheeks are like beds of spice... his lips are like lilies... his arms are rods of gold... his body is like polished ivory... his legs are pillars of marble... his appearance is like Lebanon, stately as its cedars..." (Song of Solomon 5:10-16).

Fourthly, its extensive contribution of PRACTICAL PRINCIPLES. Which the authors describe as "nails and keys for conflict resolution." "Nails" in the form of attitudes that complicate things and deepen the breach between spouses, and which therefore must be avoided; and "keys" that facilitate the resolution of problems – such as fluid communication, to which they dedicate a whole chapter – and which, consequently, must be applied. These practical principles are provided for almost all the topics covered, and are complemented by two appendices: "The Master's Workshop," in which the authors, by way of example, offer their own testimony and experiences; and the "Practical Part," with a whole series of tests and questionnaires to help couples get to know each other more deeply and improve their relationship. It concludes with an extensive commented thematic bibliography of recommended books on the subject.